You've come alone? for lunch??????

My schoolmate in the US now, ditched her job and.. you wouldn't believe it .. but .. she's is going around the globe ... all ALONE .. that too for a year.

What GUTS.. I admire her.

Forget going to some place alone. Would I ever go for lunch alone in a cafeteria packed with people?

Somehow I dread such a situation. The day I had my interview in office, the second round was scheduled after lunch. And I was given a lunch coupon at the reception.

Reluctantly I pushed myself to the cafeteria. Looked around in vain for anyone familiar. I knew there wasn't a probability of 0.0001 to see someone I knew over there. Anyway, I peeped in to see a huuuuuuge crowd. The next thing I knew was that at the next moment I was on my way back to the reception trying to convince myself that I was not hungry. I wouldn't die if I didnt have lunch that day. Now not that I like to skip my lunch, im a total foodie. But alone??? It sort of gives me the jitters. I doubt my food would ever digest.

However, one hungry day I did gather enough courage to go alone. I decided I would have to take something that could be gobbled up in seconds. Now gobbling up things in seconds is something im an expert at. I do it every morning so that I dont skip my company pickup. Gobbling away to glory with my dad giving me disgusted looks and my mom telling me to eat like a lady. So far time has never let me please my parents.

Anyway, where was I? Yeah .. about that day's venture. I ordered a pizza and loitered around the counter waiting for it. The guy at the counter kept telling me "Madam, please sit. Ve vill call you when the pizza is ready". I can't remember what I did in my delirium. I think I sat after sometime. However it seemed like ages before my order was ready.

The moment I got my pizza I plonked on the nearest empty chair. Didn't look up . I dared not make eye contact with anyone lest someone starts pitying me for coming alone (The same way I look at a loner in the cafeteria when im with my gang. I should stop doing that. It's sort of wicked).

I had managed to gobble up three pieces inspite of all the consciousness of being alone. with the last piece left to push down my throat I felt that I could get through it easily. There was a slight sense of achievement and independance till I heard a familiar friendly "Hi!".

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Pleeeease!!! Not today!!! I didnt want to hear it, but that was exactly the next thing I heard him say... "You've come alone todayyyy???? :-)"
Even though it was asked out of puuuuure concern, it sort of translated to " What??? Come alone??? Everybody left you??? Nobody likes to come for lunch with you?? You have no friends???" and a million other questions.

I generally dont like to be pitied upon, it's embarrassing. But at that moment I was suddenly filled with a sense of self pity. I felt a lump in my throat.. before the dumb tears could well up and spoil the slight sense of independance I felt sometime back I gave him an answer which I myself wasn't convinced about and took a big bite to push down the lump that was buildng up in my throat. He looked amused. Damn.. Anyway I still tried putting on a fake bold smile to look normal and casual so that nobody would realize what a sissy I was. Luckily for me he went away after some general talk and I was back with the remains of the last piece of pizza left on my plate.

Phew... quite an experience it was. I survived it though. And im proud of myself for that. Maybe I can go with myself sometime again. But still, I think i'll try my best to avoid such a scene. I wonder if there are other nuts like me who try to act bold inspite of all that they feel inside.

But I feel it's high time I change and get independant. Slowly I will. One day I will. Im sure. But the process is verrrrrrrryyy difficult.